“Am I In A Toxic Relationship?" Look Out For These 12 Signs!

We’ve all heard of this term a lot, but ever wondered what’s a psychologist’s take on it? Read on!

What is a toxic relationship?

Any and every relationship is a labor of love. There are good, great, bad and ugly parts to every relationship. Till the time good times are more than tough times and mutual respect is a non-negotiable entity, most problems can be overcome. These are the relationships that make you feel secure, loved, protected, amused and occasionally exasperated. On the other hand, there are relationships that make you feel constantly drained, attacked, unsupported and broken - these are relationships that may be showing signs of toxicity.

How to know if you’re in a toxic relationship?

We will enlist a few signs of a toxic relationship here. But before reading know that all relationships have similar signs once in a while or in small intensities and we shouldn’t be quick to label anything without context. Take in the larger picture and then assess the situation.

• You find yourself constantly lowering your standards to begin accepting what was not acceptable earlier.
  
• You find yourself betraying yourself by changing your opinions and feelings to please your partner.
  
• It is important to take some ‘cooling off' period after arguments. But be aware if you find silence (for hours or days) being used against you as a tool to isolate and dictate the terms of a relationship.
  
• Both of your communication styles are important - is the primary language one of abusive words, sarcasm and taunts?
  
• You are made to feel diminished, small, or are constantly being told about how you’re in the wrong with false or exaggerated examples - it’s could be gaslighting
  
• You are isolated from your social support and they don’t seem supportive of the relationship. Sometimes you can’t see everything because you’re too close to the picture and need someone else’s assistance to zoom out.
  
• You are giving far more than you are receiving in terms of emotions, time, finances, energy, etc. It is never a perfect balance, but it can’t be a one-sided effort either.
  
• Your body reacts differently around them by rapid breathing, stuttering, sweaty palms or feeling stomach and headaches when around them, especially during confrontations.
  
• You are feeling excessively controlled about everyday instances such as going out, social media intake, what you’re eating, who you’re meeting, why your phone is busy, etc.
  
• Physical intimacy is not consensual.
  
• You find yourself constantly making excuses for them and their behavior. It starts with them not texting you back, forgetting important events to bigger things such as lashing out at you, all of which are excused with arguments of ‘they’re busy, they’re undergoing stress or I said something wrong.
  
• You feel like this is the best you can have and you don’t deserve better. It brings up feelings of unworthiness.

What to do if you’re stuck in a toxic relationship?

Know your worth, draw your boundaries and check in with your social support or mental health professional to see in case you are missing any signs or need help. Stepping out is difficult, but don’t be afraid of what is new. It will challenge you, and it’ll prepare you for everything you’re worth.

Navigating relationships that are toxic can be really difficult. You’re not alone in this, help is always available. In case you’d like to speak to a mental health professional, here’s something to get you started 👇