Top 10 Relationship Problems we saw in 2021

Our days seem to revolve around our relationships with our parents, children, siblings, partners, pets, work, strangers and ourselves. Each one of them has a different role in shaping us. Our relationship with our significant others occupies a large chunk of our lives, and while it gives a lot, sometimes it takes away a significant amount of energy.

Today, we will explore 10 of the most common issues and how to solve them. 

• De-Escalating After Conflict: Fights tend to get messy where emotions run high and the fueled emotion makes it difficult to let the argument finish, instead it escalates from one thing to another. The process of calming yourself and your partner down is called ‘de-escalation’. You can do that by offering physical affection (Can we hug/kiss/cuddle?). Use words of endearment while communicating to subtly remind both of you about the level of care involved (‘Baby, why would you say that?’). Lastly, apologize specifically for your part in the conflict (I am sorry about the sarcastic remark I made regarding your work). 
  
  
• Misunderstanding: What one person says to their partner might not always be perceived that way, resulting in a misunderstanding. Remember that it is not both of you against each other, rather it is both of you against the issue. Try phrasing it differently and ask your partner what they understood from it - be patient during this process. Lastly, remember that there is a difference between understanding you and agreeing with you. If they’re not agreeing with you, it doesn't mean they’re disrespecting your feelings. 
  
  
• Boredom: With time, relationships tend to get predictable and lose the novelty that you both enjoyed. Indulge in spontaneous activities such as playing some board games, creating a movie night or deciding to purge your camera roll together. Gift them something small but meaningful, start a shared ritual and initiate physical intimacy in a long forgotten manner. Lastly, try an ‘adjective run’ - sit with a Googled list of adjectives and assign the good, not so good, goofy ones to each other with instances to support it. 
  
  

• Lack of Quality Time: We spend a significant amount of time with our partners in person or via phones - but how much of that can qualify for quality time? Work, sleep, stressors or phone apps come into the way sometimes. Dedicate some device free conversation time slots weekly. Remind yourself that they deserve your undivided attention and avoid multitasking. Try a new activity together such as journaling as a couple or a new recipe of a dish you both like. 
  

• Difficulty in Accepting Each Others Flaws: As we spend more time with our partners, their flaws come to surface more often, and we find it hard to be forgiving of those. At that time, it is worth acknowledging your own flaws as well so the narrative balances out in your head. If it is a corrective flaw, communicate and discuss it with them, instead of ruminating over it. Tell them why it bothers you so much. Appreciate the little things your partner does so that it helps them remember that you’re not attacking them. 
  
  
• Unmet Sexual Expectations: For a lot of relationships, sexual intimacy is an integral part and frustrations arising from this can be a deal breaker. Communicate without hesitation or shame and remember to speak in sentences of ‘I want..’, ‘I need..’, ‘I’d like for…’. Explore different forms of physical intimacy and take it from there. Try scheduling some specific time for intimacy and trying different things such as toys, positions or a different setting. Make sure to indulge in ‘aftercare’, which is asking your partner how they felt, having a raw vulnerable conversation and cuddling. 
  
  
• Financial Management: Finances are an important part of everyday living and when a clash happens, it is likely to blow into something bigger. To avoid this, have a tracker or a budget sheet where you both put down your expenses and evaluate it regularly to amend it or your spending. Create a relationship budget which will go towards shared expenditure like date nights, shared subscription plans etc. Have an open conversation to discuss what the larger financial goals are and how aligned both of you are. 
  
  
• Fighting Fairly: Fights start off trying to communicate a roadblock or hurt and usually end up causing more hurt because of it not being fair. Avoid using extreme words such as ‘Never’, ‘Always’, ‘Nothing’ or ‘Everything’ as this isn’t true and leads someone to doubt the larger picture. Remember that the goal of fighting is understanding and not winning. Focus on being mindful and redirecting your attention to what will make the relationship stronger. If you feel like the argument is getting emotionally charged, take a break and be soft when suggesting for a time out. Give them a real timeline of how many minutes/hours it’ll take for you to return to the argument and stick to it. 
  
  
• Different values or ideals: When two people come together, they bring with them different set of identities, values and beliefs. Sometimes though, the clash becomes a lot. In that case, communicate your sides, try to find a common ground or a compromise. Know what your boundaries and non negotiable are, communicate those in a respectful manner and try to understand why something is important to the two of you. 
  
  
• Infidelity: One of the common issues in modern relationships is the rise in infidelity. To bounce back from it or not depends on each individual couple. While there are different ways to navigate it two constant factors are: honesty and patience. Be honest about the reasons and don’t shy away from uncomfortable conversations. Be accepting of blame and remember that forgiveness isn’t instant. Don’t aim for the ‘lets go back to how we were’, but carve a new path for your relationship with the learnings.